“Drier than a popcorn fart,” is the answer to that question. My son Steve reminded me of this favorite Grandpa-isms. It can also be used to describe an extreme thirst that normally occurs around 5:00 p.m. and can only be quenched by an extra-dry Fleischman’s gin martini with olives. As in, “I’m drier than a popcorn fart. A man’s gotta believe in something; I believe I’ll have a drink.” The procedure that ensues is to take a large tumbler and fill it with ice, pour gin over the ice while saying, “Goody, goody, goody,” leaving about a half-inch of headspace, add two drops of dry vermouth “just for respectability” and garnish with a pimento-stufffed olive or two. Stir slightly and carefully, so as not to bruise the gin. Enjoy.